I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
