walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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