sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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