Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
