she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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