Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
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just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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