The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
