I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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