WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
