Your dad touched me again.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
