conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
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