On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
