You were right. It hurts to walk today.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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