i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I did not marry a roomba.
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