going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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