i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
