Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
