watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
