We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
