My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
