Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
