i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize