she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
