I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
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i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
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Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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