Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
