Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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