Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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