he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
