Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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