So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
