Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
