Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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