Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
