what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
