we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Randomize
