i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
How does it feel to date your dad?
Randomize
