I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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