I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
