Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
