Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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