You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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