If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
