She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
My vagina just recognized that song.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
