I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
