All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
