let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
