Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
