she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
