I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
