I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
