oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
