rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
