I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
People in love make me want to vomit
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
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