I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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