Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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