If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
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