Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
you never un-have a 4some
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
