the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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