This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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