There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
