I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
