eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize