He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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