also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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