I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
