I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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