Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
