please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
