she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
