i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
